Health Inspector The Movie

 

This was the official website for the 2006 film, LARRY THE CABLE GUY: HEALTH INSPECTOR. The content is from the site's 2006 archived pages and other outside sources.

Trailer

 

Larry The Health Inspector Funniest Scenes

Tomatometer CRITICS 5%  | AUDIENCE 51%

A laid-back health inspector's comfortable routine receives an unwelcome shake up when he's assigned the task of training his new rookie partner and investigating the outbreak of a mysterious illness at one of the city's most posh restraints in this no-holds-barred comedy starring Blue Collar standup king Larry the Cable Guy. It's all greasy spoons and low-rent ethnic eateries in the world of seasoned big-city health inspector Larry (Larry the Cable Guy), and that's just the way he likes it. After begrudgingly accepting the task of training by-the-books trainee Amy (Iris Bahr), Larry lands the biggest case of his career when a group of high-class diners fall ill following a particularly pricey meal. Though the gruff but lovable health inspector soon loses his job as a direct result of his questionable manners, he soon wins the heart of a shy waitress while attempting to go undercover to crack the case and ensure that the conspirators who engineered the poisonous plan are brought to justice. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

 

Rating: PG-13 (for crude and sexual content, and for language)
Genre: Comedy
Directed By: Trent Cooper
Written By: Jonathan Bernstein, James Greer
In Theaters: Mar 24, 2006 Wide
On DVD: Aug 8, 2006
Box Office: $15,655,665.00
Runtime: 89 minutes
Studio: Lions Gate Films

Reviews From Rotten Tomatoes Critics

 

March 29, 2006 | Rating: C-
Scott Brown Entertainment Weekly Top Critic

I predict that 100 percent of Larry the Cable Guy fans will love Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. I predict they will cheer for every precious cubic inch of methane that escapes the Blue Collar comic’s walrusy glutes. (The total comes to approximately 4,000 cubic yards.) I predict they will repeat the line ”Y’ever fart s’hard yer back cracks?” as if it were ”Show me the money.”
And I applaud them. As an expat redneck, I recognize the deep, dumb need of every group for its own culturally customized minstrel show. Larry, a junker ”star” vehicle run on arse wind and fan love, fills that niche. Need I explain the plot? It’s all there in the title: Septic bubba inspects fancy restaurants (which are exclusively patronized, the enlightened script suggests, by rich Jews). Flatulence ensues. Flock to the theaters, my necklings: This is a whiteface tour de farts you won’t want to miss!

+++

It's not a movie; it's a cause for dismay.
August 2, 2006 | Rating: 1/5
David Cornelius  eFilmCritic.com

There is a glorious stupidity about the title Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Here we have a movie nobody bothered to properly name, and so we get this awkward combination of stage name and premise that tells audiences who's in it and what hell be playing, slapped together with zero effort, as if the producers assumed fans of the titular stand-up comic would be unable to figure out which movie belonged to their favorite funnyman and what kind of story it might involve if it was granted some complex title along the lines of Ernest Goes To Africa.

Of course, the real (unintentional) comedy comes from a juxtaposition of careers that make no sense even when taken in context of the movie. They might as well have called it Jeff the Auto Mechanic: Hot Dog Vendor or Dave the Movie Critic: Test Pilot.

Larry the Cable Guy, for those fortunate souls unfamiliar with his particular brand of fart jokes, is the stage name of Dan Whitney, some schmuck from Florida who discovered that his floundering comedy career could be rescued by pretending to be a functionally retarded redneck and delivering an act that replaces actual punchlines with asinine catchphrases such as Git-R-Done (which turns out to not, in fact, be some code for date rape) and I dont care who you are, thats funny (which is another way of saying Its not funny, but if I tell you it is, will you please, please believe me?). His act was tiresome before it ever got going, the stand-up equivalent of a Ray Stevens novelty song, yet for some reason his brand of my-sisters-so-fat and foreigners-sure-talk-funny yuks have led him to become one of the most popular stand-up acts around. Following successful merchandise sales, a popular stint on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and its ensuing movies, and a gig on Comedy Centrals Blue Collar TV, a movie deal was inevitable. Remember, they gave Carrot Top a movie, too.

Larry (the movie character, not the performer) has no last name in this film - he's just Larry. I mention this because - and I swear I am not exaggerating here - about every five minutes, we get a line in which Larry reminds us that his name is Larry. Sometimes he doesnt even bother with subtleties, merely shouting out Hey, Im Larry! And occasionally adding Im the health inspector! There is a point, after about fifteen random mentions of his name, where this becomes the funniest thing on the planet (unintentional-wise, that is). Because seriously, how dumb does a movie have to be before they just start announcing the title characters name over and over? Pretty freaking dumb, it turns out.

Larry, for those who might have missed the title, is a health inspector. The comedy, then, is that he is a slovenly oaf who farts all the time. (And by all the time, I do mean all the time. If hes not telling us his name, hes farting. Always.) Our first shot of Larry is that of his butt crack. So, yes, hes a gross, disgusting, vile man, but hes also in charge of inspecting restaurants for health code violations. Boy, ain't that ironic?



This, dear friends, is the freshest idea in this movies brain. Larry has a long-suffering boss (Tom Wilson) whos so fed up with Larrys casual ways that he assigns him an uptight partner named Butlin (Iris Bahr), whos all by-the-book and stuff. Theres a string of food poisonings happening at all the citys top restaurants, and just when Larry and his new uptight partner have the case cracked, they insult the mayor and Larry gets kicked off the force but manages to save the day anyway, right there on live TV, too. This is what happens when you ask somebody to write a Larry the Cable Guy movie, and please have it done by tomorrow night.

By the way, when we say Larry has a partner, Larry really, really, really wants you to know that partner means business partner and not gay partner. Those last three words are Larrys own - you see, the partner is flat-chested, so Larry thinks shes a he. Which is hilarious if you love making fun of them queers. Most of the rampant homophobia found here pretends to be not-so-serious teasy, so when the anti-prejudice folks speak up, Larry can say it was all in good fun. (Example: Dont you have a gay pride parade to get to? Im just kiddin. I know you aint a flipper. The hell?) But sometimes the film will just let loose with a real make-you-wince gag, like when Larry and Butlin walk under a restaurant sign which has been redone to read, simply, Butlin is a fag.

As if homophobic punchlines weren't enough, the film occasionally spices them up with outdated pop culture references. These arent just annoying fag jokes; theyre badly written annoying fag jokes. Consider: Looks like a casting call for Zorro the Gay Blade! Also: You're more fired up than Rosie ODonnell at the titty bar! Yeesh. Maybe Git-R-Done has less to do with date rape and more to do with violent hate crimes. 

Not so we think Larry only hates gay people, we also get a scene in which he disguises himself as one of them A-rabs weve heard so much about on the teevee. The accent alone is worth a solid punch in the face and a lengthy speech explaining himself to any anti-defamation league; the topper is the plaid tablecloth he actually uses for a ghutra an iqal.

When not offending the sensibilities of minorities, Health Inspector is offending the sensibilities of anybody who just wants to go through the day without seeing an entire sequence involving diarrhea or hearing one-liners so awful they make one long for the merciful escape of sweet, sweet death. Here, now, are just a few more verbal treats you can enjoy, courtesy of screenwriters Jonathan Bernstein and James Greer, plus Whitney himself, who provided countless uncredited punch-ups:

You ever fart so hard your back cracked?

Im so hungry I could eat the butthole out of a skunk.

I love sassy fat chicks!

That last one, for reasons far too unbearable to repeat here, is part of a subplot in which Larry falls in love with a cute waitress (Megyn Price), because since the movie wasnt disturbing enough, we now have to watch as Larrys disease-ridden, chaw-encrusted mouth violates the very lovely Price, who deserves so much more than to be stuck in some gawdawful Larry the Cable Guy movie.

The same, of course, can be said for any unfortunate soul who managed to get cast in this heap. The list also includes Joe Pantoliano, David Koechner, Joanna Cassidy, Tony Hale, and Lisa Lampanelli. Only Kid Rock, who is to music what Larry the Cable Guy is to humor, deserves the dismal fate of being stuck here.

So yes, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector is indeed as horrible, unfunny, offensive, badly made, and downright unwatchable as you thought it would be. You might even say its even worse that you thought it would be. Its not a movie; its a cause for dismay. If you make it all the way to the end - an end which (and oh, how this saddens me on so many levels) Larry actually looks right into the camera and yells Git-R-Done!!! - you will have endured a cinematic trial-by-fire the likes of which have not been experienced since Tom Green stopped making movies.

Please, Mr. The Cable Guy, stop getting R done. Because we as a nation really can't handle the possible existence of, say, Larry the Cable Guy: Crime Scene Investigator.

Honestly, our three dogs and I sat through this regurgitated film, but my girlfriend did not. And it's a testament to my dogs' opinion of the film that the next day I had to do a google search for a rug cleaning company that was an expert in pet odor removal from fine rugs. At first I thought the dogs must have either farted a lot, but when I looked under the coffee table I realized they had left their comments in the form of several piles of @#%!! Fortunately after a rather hasty cleanup so we could at least walk through the room to the kitchen, the rug cleaning company arrived, quietly surveyed the scene, and assured us they could remove the stains and odor. They also suggested I have the rug Scotch Guarded which I agreed to do. A week later the rug was returned looking like new. I was astounded and amazed. The dogs are no longer allowed to watch any more Dan Whitney films. Hopefully I too could be spared the ordeal. Alas as a film critic, I won't be so lucky.

+++

At least Larry the Cable Guy's brief movie career kept Hollywood's fart-sound proprietors in business. What, you thought an opening shot of his bared plumber's crack was an arbitrary artistic decision? That there's foreshadowin' right there!
September 25, 2010 | Rating: .5/4
Nick Rogers  Suite101.com

Movies You Aught Not Watch is Nick Rogers’ weekly, alphabetical look back at the 52 worst films of 2000-2009.

“Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector”
Rated PG-13
2006

“Look, I can do this all day,” Larry the Cable Guy cackled in “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector,” the redneck comic’s failed 2006 attempt to hijack the lovably lowbrow signal of Jim Carrey’s “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” By “this,” Larry meant rattling off euphemisms for sex, bras and penises.

Of that savant ability, “Health Inspector” left no doubt, as watching it felt like hearing him do “this” all day in real time. With its unlimited-trip buffet line of bad jokes, the quality of “Health Inspector” could be easily swapped for any Larry film in which he doesn’t voice a Pixar-animated tow truck.

Here, Larry teams with a mannish female partner named Butlin (whose name never gets old) to investigate a cooking competition. In his spare time, Larry is a sexist, chaw-chewing homophobe who thinks Priuses run on “strawberry douche,” frequently speaks of infected testicles and would rather “dip French fries in grandma’s bedsores” than eat sushi.

To paraphrase Larry, I don’t care who you are. That sounds like preventable elderly abuse right there.

At least Larry’s brief movie career kept Hollywood’s fart-sound proprietors in business. What, you thought an opening shot of his bared plumber’s crack was an arbitrary artistic decision? That there’s foreshadowin’!

“Health Inspector” forgoes audible obviousness after Larry returns from a bathroom with no toilet paper, only to surprise with someone else’s wet diarrhea plop. Perhaps fetishists of gastrointestinal distress for whom “Health Inspector” seemed tailor-made caught Larry’s dead-on introspection when calling himself a “floater.”


HealthInspectorTheMovie.com